Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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