rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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