Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
