I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
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He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
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Like the friend zone has no room for winks
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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