the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
