I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
