If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
