I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
