she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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