I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize