I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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