I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
