This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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