Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
