Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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