I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
