I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
