guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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