Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
