Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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