I need help removing her.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you never un-have a 4some
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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