bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
