Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We got so high we made milksteak
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
