Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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