Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
