girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
