He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize