When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
