shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
pray to the hookup gods
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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