If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
