you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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