so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
