she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
