Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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