I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
