Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
third nipple confirmed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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