hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
