im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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