ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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