All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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