He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
