when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
