The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
