i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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