I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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