I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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