So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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