Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
