Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I bet he comes in French.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
