The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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