I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
