I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
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She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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