If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
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rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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