Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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