Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
