I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
