i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Randomize
