don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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