She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
