I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
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All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
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It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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