My sheets look like a crime scene.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
