When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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