That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
