Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
