OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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