I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think I just sharted jello shots
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