is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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