Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
