She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
