Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
