they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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