I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
