is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
