Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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