everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
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