i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
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God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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