Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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