I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
