Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
