so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
