Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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