I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
