I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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