You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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