I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
