Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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