Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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